Sunday, February 3, 2013

more things on strings



I awoke to find this balloon hovering suspiciously close to my face, obviously mocking me with its grotesquely stretched mylar smile. 

I punched it.



[EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I love smiley balloons! Keep them coming!]

12 comments:

Caroline said...

Good one.

Morgan Katz said...

Good call! Being a fellow cancer patient, I say with confidence that I too HATE those balloons! ;)

kaylin andres said...

i love the balloons, but at the time it was very cathartic to slug it in the face... felt great!

Anonymous said...

The balloon is clearly saying hit me! Ha if you can fight cancer you can certainly fight a balloon. :)

Angela Farster Kammler said...

Hey Kaylin..

I had just watched Jenks (I love how my autocorrect wants to call it 'jerks' Ha!) I guess it somehow, knows your story with cancer.

I don't have cancer, but am very much, in a slow state of dying. It sucks balls, no, it sucks a big fat one! When you come so close to death, and wake up alive, realizing your life is not over, yet, there is this amazing, yet hard, reality to deal with. I'm sure you understand. You're expected, to pick back up, start over (lather, rinse, repeat). It's hard to do it some days, but if you have hope and the desire to fight, it somehow becomes, worth it. All the pain & struggling, makes you want to give up, but the hope, that one day, there will a happy, fairy tale ending, in sight, is something worth looking forward to.

I'm a 36 yr old mother of 1 (a near brush with cancer, took the hopes of another, away from me almost 5 yrs ago). Along the way, I developed many other issues, related to having had weight loss surgery - I chose to have it, to hopefully, outlive my fathers sad fate. However, now, I am living in his shadow again.

Last Feb, I woke in ICU, not knowing my own name, what to call water, etc..! I am very lucky my husband came home for lunch that day, and waved KFC chicken, in my face.. Yes, I'm serious.. The chicken saved my life.

He told me, he almost smacked me, but upon feeling my face, he could tell something was seriously wrong. Fast forward to waking.. I had very little albumin (protein) left in my body, and my body was taken over by strepptocacal pneumonia to the point I became septic. I lost about 4-6 months of my memory, didn't even recognize my own child... went from 140 lbs to 260 within 2 days, had to learn how to walk again, stand, sit, etc... I could do nothing, but cry. I felt hopeless and was sure death would have been better than my prognosis. Somehow, I pushed forward and managed to get back down to 140, despite, supposed to be weighing around 175.

I fight every day, to avoid the hospital, death, falling, relapsing, and everything else that comes with this shitty decision I made back in '08. There is so much more to my story, but I know, your story is beyond my own.

I feel like I know you somehow, thanks to Jenks bringing you to the lives of so many people. I'm here to offer you love, support and most importantly, HOPE. If you are interested, when you feel better, feel free to contact me. I, like many others, am on FB the most. Look me up, Angela Farster Kammler. And, at the same time, I will totally understand, if you choose not to. :-)

I hope you continue to heal faster, and stronger. And I look forward to your comic coming out in the future. It looks awesome.

:-)

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Anonymous said...

Thanks for making the rest of us sickos feel like we arent so alone in this disgusting fight for life. I haven't been as graceful as you and you make me want to be a better person.

5 years have passed that my once fantastic life morphed into somekind of psyco-twisted breathing machine. Life when you're young with so many dreams and ambitions isn't suppose to be consumed with fighting an invisible monster inside your body trying to murderer you. And when they say they've killed it, its really not true because he was just hiding & cloning himself to attack again. Jason-ish.
Ive now had the joy to add PTSD to my laundry list typed medical history. Weird. I'm not a military hero. I didn't fight for God or country. Nothing meaningful. Nope. Its just another psycho-twisted effect from me and my ongoing battle with the invisible monster clone because I never feel safe. I know he's there. Lurking around the bush.

I want invent a word that means /this is what you feel at the pit of your deepest despair topped with envy of others who have normal lives but without coming across that you want or need pity (or balloons)/
Cause whatever it is, I want to use it & say it often.
Personally I have this strange guilt and embarrassment when my monster comes back. Like I should have killed him already and passed "green boots" in some triumphant exploration of Everest's peak. But no. Same shit. Different day.
I also am tired of people asking me how I'm feeling. What do you want me to say? Well today I pissed a pint if blood dangling from a tube shoved up my crotch, my knees feel like they're buckeling when I try and stand up, Im developing sores on my protruding hip bones, my bald head and the tape on my IV itches, everyone on the 3rd floor has seen me nude and my doctor is trying to forcefeed me beef broth...
BUT other than that, the narcotics are great!

FYI - note to normals - Please don't ask how I'm feeling. Please don't suggest your Great Aunt Ruth's doctor/hospital. Don't tell me I look good or bad, try & feed me, or tell me how sick or busy you have been. Dont make excuses why you havent called for a year or totally dissapear. I don't need flowers or cards- I don't know if its morally ethical to throw them away anyway... Just come and sit.

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for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him as spirituallighthealing101@live.com He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more.

muhammad usman said...

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nila vadhani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nila vadhani said...

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grappalover said...

Thanks for taking the time to share. We are with you...on the same journey...cancer or not.